1) Good mothers easily breastfeed.
Breastfeeding can be easy or difficult, and most likely, both. Good mothers breastfeed, good mothers formula feed, and good mothers do both. Fed is best.
2) You can (and should) get your baby to sleep through the night.
Your baby may sleep at night, may not sleep at night, and may sleep in spurts or have difficulty sleeping. There are lost of tools you can try for assisting your baby to learn good sleep habits and some of them may be effective.
3) Only bad (poor, mentally ill, single, uncaring) mothers get depressed.
Postpartum depression and other perinatal mood disorders affect 1 in 5 women. 1 in 5. That's you or someone you know. Perinatal Mood Disorders do not discriminate according to how much you care for your infant, whether you had previous struggles with mental illness, your level of income, your ethnicity (except if you are a woman of color, you will most likely encounter more barriers in access to treatment), or your marital status.
However, recovery IS possible. You do not have to suffer alone. Seek out help and do not give up.
4) You can get your pre-baby body back & this determines your happiness.
Your body will change after having a baby. There are various places this happens, some of them may go back to the “way they were” and some of them won’t. You can still be a happy, fulfilled, sexy, empowered, loved woman. Getting your stomach back is not the key ingredient in this equation.
5) You will be mostly the same person with a few acutraments like a diaper bag after having a baby.
You will not be the same person anymore. Motherhood changes you, in profound ways you can’t imagine ahead of time. And this develops over time. Give yourself at least as much patience, kindness, time, and commitment as you do your baby as you grow your new mother identity.
6) You will and should feel sexy and available to your partner postpartum.
You will most likely feel exhausted, pulled on to care for your baby physically, have challenging body image, and your hormones can take years to re-regulate. It’s ok to include these challenges in assessing your availability for and communicating with your partner.
7) Superwoman (aka SuperMommy) lives and the feminist revolution has made all things possible for women to do alone.
Overtly navigating agreements around housework and childcare is a necessary and ongoing part of parenting. You do not have to do everything. Superman and Superwoman do not exist. Imperfect Mama and Super(ish) Papa (Partner) do, if you work at it together. Lower your expectations. Set imperfect goals. Be honest about your shortcomings. Asking for help is the secret SUPERPOWER for parents.
In conclusion, seek out support if you do not yet have it. Access (and add more) if you do! You are not alone, and you do not have to be perfect. Perfection doesn't exist. However Imperfect (I'm perfect) does. Be that.
